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Kent’s political theatre: The missing chapters in the Conservative candidate’s pamphlet

Following a boundary change in a safe Tory seat in Kent, the party’s new candidate issued a pamphlet lacking substance. Despite working for controversial figures, her past is omitted, revealing Conservative hesitancy in transparency in the upcoming general election.

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Kent’s political theatre: The missing chapters in the Conservative candidate’s pamphlet

Following a boundary change in a safe Tory seat in Kent, the party’s new candidate issued a pamphlet lacking substance. Despite working for controversial figures, her past is omitted, revealing Conservative hesitancy in transparency in the upcoming general election. // A thread written by @fleetstreetfox.

// THREAD


Due to boundary changes, the very safe Tory seat in Kent, where I live, has been split. Today, I received a letter from the new Tory candidate, who said: “I am delighted to introduce myself.”

Let’s meet her, shall we?

Here is Katie’s pamphlet. (Sigh)

— Katie Lam’s pamphlet.

Let’s leave aside for a moment how delighted she is about herself.

And the fact I am welcomed to my constituency as though I’ve just moved in and she’s the welcoming committee.

Her name is Katie. But there are pictures.


Katie can straddle a stile!


Katie can stand next to a car!


Katie has a friend!

No idea who; there are no captions on any of this.

Who needs information when you have a pretty young prospective MP? WITH FRIENDS.


Katie does not say if she lives here (we all know where I live now). Or where she went to school. Or if she has family links. Or her job.

She’s called Katie, and you’re WELCOME. Except...


Katie used to work for Dominic Cummings.

Katie worked for Boris in Number 10, and was a SpAd to Suella ‘Batsh*t’ Braverman.

Katie was once accused of kicking Dilyn the dog after he allegedly pissed in her handbag.

Katie doesn’t mention the detail on LinkedIn either.


Katie, I am informed by what used to be the local newspaper, was selected after the local Tories decided they didn’t want that damp pervert Damian Green.

They objected to someone being foisted on them by the Conservative Campaign Headquarters (CCHQ). So what’s Katie then? Still foisted, but less pervy?

Katie may be lovely and must be bright to have worked where she has. Maybe she’d make a marvellous MP. But:

a) starting out by not telling people a single damned thing about who you are or what you stand for is a pretty poor look; and

b) this is one of the safest Tory seats in the country. Are they really so terrified, even here, that they will spend thousands pamphleting what should be the most nailed-on voters in the South East, and pretending the candidate has nothing to do with the current PM?

I mean, this might actually work. Who knows. But I think it shows CCHQ is absolutely sh*tting itself if even in the bluest of blue heartlands they’re pretending Rishi – and Boris, and Liz, and Dave, and the rest – are some sort of fever dream.

Yet to hear even a whimper from Labour or the Lib Dems, of course.

Obviously, I filled in the survey with some rude words and posted it back in the stamped addressed envelope provided.

88p less for the Tory war chest is 88p closer to sanity.


// This thread was written on X by @fleetstreetfox

Susie Boniface ▪ British journalist, columnist and author.
Author of “The Collected Rants of Fleet Street Fox”
[ website ∙ x ∙ podcast ∙ books ]

GOING FURTHER


Sources:

▪ This piece was published in PMP Magazine on 6 February 2024. It was first published as a Twitter thread and turned into the above article with the purpose of reaching a larger audience. It has been minorly edited and corrected, and published with the author’s consent. | The author of the tweets writes in a personal capacity.
▪ Cover: Mix of Conservative pamphlet & Adobe Stock/ink drop.







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